Your All Time Favorite Facebook Break-up (and what to do when the maggot comes back)

 

 

So you’re thinking of getting back with him (if you haven’t already done so) after he blocked you on Facebook, untagged all your pictures together and changed his status to “single”- all without your knowledge? And this is after about a week ago when he said he didn’t care anymore and he needed more time for himself. By the way, before that he’s been giving you the cold treatment: doesn’t call, doesn’t pick up the phone, calls only to let you know he can’t spend time with you because of work or he’s going out with the boys or whatever stupid excuse he can make up at the moment which you obviously fall for every single time. So basically he’s just waiting for the “talk” or more like the “confrontation”…no. More like the confirmation. You then spend all week lurking through your pictures together, crying, even blogging about it and taking a picture of your bottle of wine (your tenth bottle of wine for the week by the way), showing off to the whole world how could this lucky guy whom you have loved for six months do such a hideous thing to a smart, successful, diva of a woman like you. I’m thinking the same thing too. But now, I’m just scratching my head deciphering why you are even considering getting back with him.

 

First off, this guy obviously does not respect you. Maybe he did care for you at one point. But honey if he find it in his heart that this relationship no longer worked for him for whatever reason, he could’ve just cut through the bull shit and tell you how it is. It would’ve taken him more time editing his FB page and then waiting for you to find out, not to mention waiting for you to confirm while you’re on the other side debating with your friend whether to confirm the information you’ve just uncovered or not. Why does he do that? Is he not aware that you’re a big girl? That you’ve handled rejections and break-ups as classily as you can in your 30-something years of fabulousness? But then you’d tell me oh guys are just naturally that way. They don’t like to talk about their feelings. They can’t handle serious talks about their own relationship that’s why they disappear. You really don’t have to butter up what he’s done because it’s not going to change a thing: you two are still broken up.

 

Second, if he didn’t care enough to hurt your feelings in the first place, then why would you even care to give him a second chance? If you do that, then you’re just giving him the impression that yes, it’s ok. Hurt me again. Matter of fact, hurt me over and over again, because I love the drama that comes with it, being a masochist and all. I love break up songs, I love late night drunken phone calls and texts left ignored, and I just love having a reason to be desperate and finish off this wine. Let me tell you while drinking your sorrows away might be a good idea during the first few weeks of a break-up, it’s really not intended for long term habit. It all  boils down to respect. You respect yourself (no matter how much it hurts or how horny you are for him) and he will do the same. You have to understand that a woman’s sexuality has so much power that it can keep a man coming back for months and years to come. But, you have to do your part and guard it. Treat it the way you want it to be treated. How? Delayed gratification. Then he’ll put you in the “not to mess with” category.

Lastly, let me just remind you that he broke up with you, no matter how much he tried to manipulate the situation to make it seem like you were the one who broke up with him. No dearie, you just pulled the trigger from something that’s been dangling right in front of your very eyes. You just acted on your reliable instincts as always

 Attraction Principle # 9:

If the choice is between her dignity and having a relationship, the bitch will prioritize her dignity above all else.

~Sherry Argov, Why Men Love Bitches~

If there’s nothing else left of you, remember you still have your dignity so never, ever lose it to someone who doesn’t deserve it. In fact, nobody deserves to take it away from you. So think about it before you start jumping at him like you haven’t gotten some in months. Is he really worth the trouble? Is he really worth your precious time? After everything he did including the embarrassment he caused you? When even your good friends don’t even know until now what you see in him…just saying…

One final note: I know you might think that you belong together and everybody deserve a second chance. At the end of the day you get to decide. That’s one of the best things about being independent. Go back to him if that’s what your inner conscience is telling you. After all, as the old cliche goes “If you love somebody let him go. If he comes back to you he’s all yours.” This might be the case, but do yourself a favor and make his ass work for it. Don’t be too accessible because then you’re gonna end up becoming a doormat knowing he can drop you and take you back whenever he’s PMS-ing. Never compromise your dignity. Never lose your self-respect.

Now diva, go and conquer his world!

Sneaky Little Ex Appearing Out of Nowhere

It happens to everyone. You thought you buried somebody about ten years ago then all of a sudden they start lurking back in your mind, maybe every couple of years, lunar eclipse or so. It’s so random too like you won’t even know its happening until you’re already on your ipad googling his name. But it all happens in a split second- from the time you’re lying in bed trying to figure out how to finish your papers and pass a final exam to the time you’re going through his old photobucket account that you’re surprised and quite relieved to come across. Or that My Space profile where he indicated his last feeling as “smitten” because he was thinking of banana boats and a beautiful girl (but you can’t really decipher how a banana boat and a beautiful girl would go together so you try not to). Then there’s the picture of that girl who is completely opposite of you. And I mean blonde hair, blue eyes while yours is black and brown respectively. Totally different skin color, obviously taller and heavier than you. You try to make yourself feel better by whispering to yourself, “So there’s the banana boat”.

 

So what do you do? Cuz obviously he’s all the way in St Louis while you live in San Diego and you haven’t really spoken to him in ten years. Your last attempt, which was three years ago, was ignored and that’s why we’re having this conversation in the first place. You know you’ve moved on. You have been moved on. In fact you are surprised yourself (and maybe a little ashamed) that you’re typing his name in the search box like you’re afraid a virus will pop up sooner or later or you thought of spraying Lysol in your screen just to sanitize it all away. But then he happened to come across your mind and you can’t help it. It’s not your fault your mind wanders all the time; it just got a little out of hand at the moment. So what do you do?

 

1. Just look him up and quench that thirst. I know some people might find this advice silly but it actually does work. Do you ever notice that while checking him out you’re actually smiling? You know that feeling is not going to last. You know the next day or maybe the next week you won’t even remember what happened because you’d be too busy pouring your soul on that paper, making that grocery list, walking your dog or running weird errands like you often do so….why not savor the moment? It will be over before you know it. Contrary to popular advice, I believe drowning yourself with his pictures you find online in one night and getting it over and done with is better than pining for him for weeks and months on end. Sometimes even if you have moved on from a person you realize that they will always find a place in your heart regardless of the unhappy ending you two had. It just didn’t work out and you accepted that. It’s ok. I won’t judge you. I won’t tell on you. So go ahead and look him up as long as…
2. You do not attempt to contact him. I know at one point you’ll be tempted to message him just to see if he reminisces about you the way you do. Chances are, he really doesn’t. And it’s ok too. Even if he does, that’s good but really you’re not trying to make another connection (unless he contacts you again but that’s a different story). What I’m saying is that you would rather hold your tongue in moments like this because it’s passing. Remember when I told you about three years ago? You don’t want to go through that. It’s like a “mini” heartache, a “mini” moving on type of deal. Just cyber stalk him that’s it. See what he’s been up to then move on. If someone wants to be in your life, he would put in an effort and make it happen. Well, he didn’t so don’t be all like maybe he was thinking about me too because I just thought of him. It’s not a mental telepathy thing. You just miss him, which happens to the best of us. He’s been a part of you even if the relationship lasted only a month or a year. Finally,
3. There’s no finally. To sum up, just enjoy the feeling, look him up if it’s part of your enjoyment and move on. There are more important things in your life now. You have priorities and he is not one of them. You just have to get used to the fact that he might reappear again (or not) so you better be prepared. It’s good to reminisce about the past but don’t try to bring it back. You and him, you and her, the two of you, belong to the past (and to the past you shall remain unless otherwise noted).

 

Good luck, work it, and enjoy your life, you sexy thing you!

 

P.S. Any suggestions, thoughts, techniques that you might want others to try out that worked for you regarding this matter, feel free to comment. J